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The He/She Surprise

March 22nd, 2010

3/04/10 Thurs. 56.7 miles

So yesterday was a landmark day. Getting tipped by everyone despite race, creed or color (or however that saying goes) left me in high spirits. I started the day with a smile on my face. For once I was excited to get in to the Lincoln and hit the road.

I got stiffed on my first 2 fares. Oh, well. It was a good run.

Around 9:30 PM I was flagged down by 3 guys near the interstate. They were hammered and obnoxious as hell. Two of them sat in the back and made the fat guy sit up front. From what I gathered the guy upfront lived in New Orleans and the two in the back must have been his Frat brothers from college. The Frat bros talked with terribly fake mafia accents and smacked the fat guy in the back of the head the entire way to Pat O’Brien’s. It was funny at first but it soon became pathetic watching these supposedly grown men ridicule their friend like they were in junior high. I couldn’t wait get them out of my cab. They tipped me $5 on a $12 fare but it wasn’t nearly enough.

For my next fare I drove 3 people from MTV’s Real World -it’s being shot in New Orleans. Your thinking, “Didn’t they shoot one there already?” Yes they did and it was stupid. I can only imagine how dumb this one will be. One of the girls in the cab talked about her weight the whole time. Jesus, if they really wanted to shoot a Real World New Orleans I could find 7 characters for them that would make for truly interesting TV. Not this white washed bullshit of 7 boring ass suburban kids getting drunk and acting like idiots. How about a bisexual alcoholic librarian, a junkie musician, a coked out stripper, an old money Uptown bitch, a 7th Ward hustler, a single mother and ME.

What the hell happened to MTV anyway?

After dropping them off I parked at the Napoleon stand. I was third out and the dispatcher was paging an order in the Touro area. It used to be a rough block but it’s all cleaned up now. I took the order knowing full well who I’d be picking up.

I drove he/she once before. He/she wasn’t happy with me the first time I drove her. She insisted I took a longer route the first time. I didn’t, we just got unlucky and hit every red light. So I rolled up expecting to drive he/she to a club on Bourbon but she gave me a different address. That address just so happened to be the exact same place I dropped this guy off. The guy who told me to bring him the tourists looking for pussy.

Oh, lord! If this is the kind of “pussy” he’s talking about there’s gonna be a lot of surprises for everyone.


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